Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Witch Doctor (American Revelation V: Part Three.)

For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. ~Romans 1:25

So, okay, wait a minute here, Bill, Trump has an "Animal spirit" helping him now?

Do me a favor, bro, remind me, what religion are you, again?

'Cause if you've changed religions from Fundamentalist Christianity to some kind of traditional Animism or Paganism, I mean, that's cool, but you picked a strange place to let us know that.

Oh, what's that? You're just saying dumb shit to fool the rubes on TV.

Many of whom, mind you, wouldn't know the difference between the Holy Spirit and some vaguely New Age concept of Spirit Animals if you distilled years worth of Christian Apologetics into a 15-minute Youtube video and made them watch it, but then if you point out that Pagans are generally liberal (or at least not their kind of "Conservative") then they'll fly into a spittle-flecked rage over it and start repetitively praising Jesus.

Because that's all God or religion is to people like Bill Bennett, a club with which to beat other people over the head, and a claim of oppression when somebody tells them they can't do that.

I mean, after all, Bill Bennett, respected 1980's Republican politician and Ronald Reagan's education secretary, Bill Bennett, infamous 1990's moral scold and disgraced gambling addict. Bill Bennett, that guy...he'd be the one to ask about this stuff, right? 

Shorter Bill Bennett: I've got a full house, what you got, sucker?

Okay, never mind.

Perhaps we could at least discuss the exclusivist claims of Evangelical and Fundamentalist Christianity regarding Salvation and the Afterlife?

Bill: What? ... Ding ding ding ding *Cash-Out Ticket ejects from Slot Machine* Hey! Can I get a Slot Ambassador over here please!?!?

Well okay, maybe Bill isn't the right guy to ask, after all.

Well, I guess I'll just have to go with what I was taught, which was that people who are Christians and conservatives don't believe in animal spirits or spirit animals or silly woo woo bullshit...unless of course you're Pentecostal in which case all that stuff is just fine, so long as you can put a sufficiently Christian-seeming gloss on it first.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Traditional religion is perfectly fine when practiced by people who actually believe in that stuff, according to their culture's interpretation of it, or whatever others they've syncretized with in order to patch together a workable belief system...modern Native American spirituality being a good example of this.

It's where those musty old Republican white guys who can't even handle a proper plate of Carnitas tacos, and who desperately fear Taco Trucks Every Corner start appropriating spiritualism to try to cover for an Atheistic dictator-wannabe like Donald Trump that I kind of sour on the concept.

 It's where formerly-respectable conservative politicians and oh-so-Christian moral scolds who made a career of telling everybody else they're doing it wrong suddenly up and turn themselves into nothing more than Tribal Witch Doctors for the ever-restless Natives of MAGAland that I start thinking; "Hey, maybe we should apply these fucking people's own standards to them and hey, ya know what? If that results in some old wannabe Witch Doctor getting broken on the rack and burned at the stake under his own fucking standards, well, ya know, ya gotta break a few eggs to make your French Toast in the morning.

I mean, seriously, this dude wrote like 30 books that he basically just turned into so much expensive toilet paper.

What a way to even live your life, I mean, come on dude.

Unless...40 years after this asshole's rise to prominence we're just now finding out in a big way that it was all bullshit and always bullshit meant to gain the support of the feeble-minded for his shitty agenda, and maybe the gambling problems and the shitty talk-radio comments were who he really was all along.

Unless the only Gospel this dude ever believed in was the Gospel Of What Helps Him Sleep Through The Night.

I read some of this dude's books back in the day, boy do I feel really fuckin' stupid now!

Fuck these motherfuckers.

Bill isn't all that. Hell, he isn't any of that. At this point he's just another tribal witch-doctor waiting to come out of his cave while the red-capped heathen cannibals dance around the fire shouting "Unga Bunga!" and begging to hear the Word of the Orange God.

And he isn't even trying to hide it.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked "What's next?"

Part Two.

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