Crypt Keeper (Scenes From The Culture Wars I.)

You may be shocked by these words coming from me. But on this pilgrimage, what I have seen, and experienced, has forced me to rearrange much of my thought-patterns previously held, and to toss aside some of my previous conclusions. This was not too difficult for me. Despite my firm convictions, I have always been a man who tries to face facts, and to accept the reality of life as new experience and new knowledge unfolds it. I have always kept an open mind, which necessary to the flexibility that must go hand in hand with every form of intelligent search for truth. During the past eleven days here in the Muslim world, I have eaten from the same plate, drunk from the same glass, and slept in the same bed (or on the same rug) -- while praying to the same God -- with fellow Muslims, whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was the whitest of white. And in the words and in the actions and in the deeds of the "white" Muslims, I felt the same sincerity that I felt among the black African Muslims of Nigeria, Sudan, and Ghana. We were truly all the same (brothers) -- because their belief in one God had removed the "white" from their minds, the 'white' from their behavior, and the 'white' from their attitude. 

~Malcolm X. Letters following the Hajj.

I wondered why Peggy Noonan was trending.

Evidently she wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal saying that Kamala Harris needs to appear more "Chastened and humbled."

The hell with that.

Kamala Harris: Lawyer, Prosecutor, Attorney General of California, Senator, Vice President of the United States of America.

What in the absolute FUCK suggests anything "humble" about any of those accomplishments? If Kamala didn't have something on the ball her own damn self, she wouldn't even be here. Kamala Harris has every right to act like she's all that and has the world by the balls. The fact that she doesn't is a testament to her character.

I've known lawyers who had accomplished much less, who were far more arrogant than she is.

Of course, none of this is really about that. 

What it's about is all these racist old ass white people expect Black people who are in positions of authority (and not Republican) to down talk themselves, to shine a little less bright, to accomplish less so that the racist white person will feel more comfortable.

I dealt with this stupid bullshit every day for nine years or so from when Barack Obama declared his intention to run for President until he was out of office. It's ridiculous.

It's 2021, not 1951. Kamala Harris does not have to act like she's your fucking housekeeper. She also doesn't have to be some kind of exemplar to prove her humanity or worth to you anymore. We should be past that.

She's the goddamn Vice President. Show a little respect.

And she got there on her own merits: That is fucking all.

Even Mike Pence got the position mainly by political connections, to Paul Manafort in his case...and I still made fun of his ass a lot less than I made fun of Trump.

That said, I have a question: Why the hell do all these racist ass old white people look like the fucking Crypt Keeper?

You know what else I'm tired of?

I'm tired of hearing about the Fox News Christmas tree burning down. This wasn't some attack on Christianity or your culture. Some mentally ill homeless person set it on fire. That's a bit of a change for me, normally when I've seen this shit happen it's a short in a Christmas light and too much flammable stuff on the tree.

It's not even a real damned Christmas tree, so shut the fuck up. 

This shit is stupid, I'm tired of conservative white people trying to turn every little goddamned thing into some kind of cultural grievance. Shit happens, grow the fuck up. I'm tired of this shit, no everything does not need to be an argument.

I have an ex-girlfriend who was like that. Drank, smoked, swore, was questionable at doing her job, and never otherwise acted religious blah blah blah but goddamn, she'd turn into some kind of

pious holy warrior the second somebody brought up anything about Christianity in a context where she could have an argument.

Doesn't that sound stupid to you?

And I say that as a former-Christian former-conservative white man. I actually believed all that stuff at some point, and I was sure enough of myself that I didn't have to argue or fight with other people about it. What's your problem?

These motherfuckers don't give a shit about Christmas, a burnt up Christmas tree is just another damn thing to hit other people over the head with. These people don't want a more-Christian, more-conservative America...they could get that easily enough by focusing on the positives and building bridges with other people, or by reading books instead of burning them, by understanding instead of thinking they have to be right.

They don't want any of that. 

They want some kind of certificate from God that says they're right, and then they want to die and go to heaven and see others be excluded, burn in hell, die in the apocalypse, etc. And if you haven't ever read the Bible or otherwise noticed, that's not what it's fucking about.

And it's not about Christmas trees either. A Christmas tree is a Pagan symbol. In America it's a secular symbol of a mostly-secular holiday. It's the culmination of like three months where it gets more and more inconvenient to go to Walmart.

There's a lot of other countries in this world where Christmas isn't that big of a deal, including to the Christians, who go to church on that day if they feel so inclined. When I first worked at my old job, I worked with a girl who was from Nigeria, a country that publicly celebrates both Christian and Islamic holidays. In 2003 we both had to work that night. So I asked her what Christmas was like in Nigeria and...she being a devout Christian...she says "It is a public holiday, we take the day off, do what we want, and we go to church in the evening. It's not as big as it is in America."

But trust me, if there's a war on Christmas, Christmas is winning. If it wasn't for Halloween the whole mess would be starting right after Labor Day.

Oh, and I imagine a lot of people that I used to work with will be bummed about this. Julian Assange is going to be extradited to the United States.

Good.

Anybody who doesn't understand why I say that has never served in the military or worked for the government and held a security clearance. As much as that kind of stuff sometimes gets abused...it exists for a damn reason.

You don't have to like it.

That's just the way things are.

Some things aren't meant to be public knowledge, or your business in general. 

I mean, I could tell you some stories, but if I do it on here or otherwise in public I might have FBI agents show up at my door.

Some things, you or I are not equipped to render judgment. Whether that's some national security issue or how the Vice President chooses to conduct herself...you're not the protagonist of the universe and you don't have to comment on every single damn thing.

There was a time our culture understood that.

We're coming into the Christmas season, can't we all just get along?

Why the fuck do so many people have to try and turn every single fucking thing into some kind of battle for social dominance? Doesn't that shit ever wear your ass out?

Turn off Fox News and take the day off from this bullshit, I bet you'll feel better about life.

Be human, sometimes it's good to do that.